Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Thanksgiving Needs a Makeover

Photo taken from the internets
November is the time of year where people tend to fall into two camps: the super-psyched Christmas folks who start decorating the day after Halloween, and the people who HATE the first group. I find myself right in the middle since I pretty much don't care either way. I enjoy Christmas, but I don't usually get into it till December. But I also don't give a crap that stores start selling Christmas goods in October. Who cares? Stores sell Christmas stuff early because people buy Christmas stuff early. And you know who's purchasing stuff early? Your oddball friends and family who love to decorate for Christmas before Thanksgiving has arrived. Is it weird? Probably. Do I care? No.

However, I know people get really heated about Christmas creeping up in November, so I have a plan to resolve the issue. I've had three different people say this to me already: It's too early for Christmas. People just skip over Thanksgiving! It seems people don't like the early Christmas decor because they feel that Thanksgiving is being overlooked.

Here's the deal, folks. It's Thanksgiving's own fault for being so lame. There I said it. Thanksgiving is a lame holiday. There are no songs or movies or fun activities to help celebrate. There's certainly nothing for children to get excited about. People want Thanksgiving to be something you celebrate all month long, but it's just not that type of holiday. I mean really, what does it have going for itself except a big meal and some time off work? It's no fun for the kids (No candy? No costumes? No presents?) and it's stressful for the adults (I have to cook a turkey for how many people?), and it just doesn't compare to the other big holidays. There aren't even any good decorations. You've probably had harvest decor up since September, so come November, you're sick of all the fall crap, which just leaves you with your kid's turkey hand print artwork. I'm sorry to say it, but Thanksgiving is BORING, and this is why it gets overlooked.

If you really want to tackle the issue, it's not about making the Christmas season start later. It's about re-branding Thanksgiving into a holiday people will want to celebrate all month. Let's face it, Thanksgiving needs a makeover. So let's do it! Let's make it cool! Maybe commercialize it more. I've already taken it upon myself to start the brainstorming session by stealing ideas from other holidays. Here's what I've come up with:

Ideas for Making Thanksgiving Not Lame

  • Slutty pilgrim costumes, perhaps? That's way more interesting than boring turtlenecks and scarves. I mean, look what sluts did to the Halloween costume industry. They revolutionized it! NOTE: It looks like Sexy Thanksgiving Costumes for Couples already exist, but I was thinking of something a little less insensitive to Native Americans. (Pocahottie? Chief Wansum Tail? Seriously?)
  • Maybe we create a mythical creature like the Easter Bunny. I vote for a Turkey Prince who grants wishes to young boys and girls. If they're thankful all month, the Turkey Prince will arrive on Thanksgiving Eve and leave candied yams in their shoes.
  • We need some Thanksgiving movies. Time to step it up, Hollywood. Sure there are a handful of movies that take place around Thanksgiving, but there really are no classics, with the exception of maybe A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving and Planes, Trains and Automobiles, but that's really pushing it. At the very least there should be one of those predictable rom-coms starring every actor on the planet and appropriately titled, Thanksgiving Day
  • Let's get theme parks involved. They're half the problem. They go all out with haunted houses at Halloween and then skip right to Christmas. Tisk tisk. Maybe this is where the slutty pilgrims could come in. Or turkeys could jump out at you during the rides! I'm open to suggestions.
  • As mentioned above, we are sorely lacking in Thanksgiving music. We need some sort of celebrity Thanksgiving album. Not a joke album, but a real celeb singing songs about turkeys and thankfulness. Come on, BublĂ©. Get on this.
  • We could add a more spooky element to the holiday. Maybe we tell children they have to say what they're thankful for each night before they go to bed or else the pilgrim ghosts of Thanksgivings past will come and steal their toys. 
  • There needs to be more activities in general. Possibly drinking games? We could spin this into a St. Patty's Day type holiday where people dress in the same color and drink till they puke.
  • Last but not least, we could send daily Thanksgiving cards to people we are thankful for. Not emails or Facebook updates, but real cards. Teeny tiny ones like Valentine's cards. Just a little note each day to tell people you are thankful for them. (This is a legitimately adorable idea, and I wish I had thought of it at the beginning of the month)

That's all I got so far. Not a bad start. Although I do wish I had visuals for these ideas. I am sorely lacking in Photoshop skills, so you'll have to use your imagination instead. Maybe by next year we'll be on our way to a more popular Thanksgiving holiday. In the meantime, have a Merry Thanksgiving!

Procrastonaut and the Turkey Prince

Ps. I owe you all a Halloween recap! Talk about a procrastinator. Coming right up...


Anonymous said...

You forgot the ever increasing hipster holiday rebranding: Friendsgiving. Instead of spending Thanksgiving with your family (oh come on, you see them at Christmas), you get your favorite people together for eating, drinking, karaoke in costumes (we're not talking about fake mustaches), drinking, making up Thanksgiving songs, drinking, ghost hunting in Pioneer Cemetery... (yes, that is a real place in a certain town that I live in...) followed by sweet and thoughtful reasons we're thankful we didn't throw up from the drinking. You'll have plenty of great sample images for next year. Let the festivities begin! Counting down...with my Thanksgiving advent calendar. It's really just a turkey, but each day I pull out a feather.

Natalie D. said...

I heart you forever.