Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Money-Making Ideas

When I'm not busy with my usual procrastination activities (social networking, reading, staring off into space), I like to brainstorm money-making ideas that I'll never follow through with. Sometimes the ideas are clever (buying a parking lot in Hollywood with my friend Carolina and charging people a boatload of money to park there). Sometimes the ideas area really clever, and years later someone else has followed through with it (self-adhesive postage stamps*, bite-sized corn dogs). And sometimes people just think my ideas are odd. I once spent a good 20 minutes explaining to my coworkers why cereal milk would be a good product to sell. What's the best thing about cereal? The flavored milk leftover at the end! Genius, I tell you! Americans will buy that crap! People are drinking yogurt out of a tube for crying out loud.

The money-making brainstorming process usually goes something like this:

A Recent Conversation With My Boyfriend

Me: If I ever give birth, I want someone to give me a trophy at the end.
Chris: Isn't the baby kind of the trophy?
Me: I want a trophy with a little gold person on top and an inscription that says, "You Gave Birth."
Chris: But isn't it reward enough to hold your little newborn baby in your arms?
Me: Nope. Trophy.
Chris: Ok.
Me: Actually, maybe I'll make the trophy myself and sell it for, like, 20 bucks. People love stupid little tchotchkes like that!
Chris: People do love to buy stupid little tchotchkes.

I'm basically gonna just find old soccer trophies and write "You Gave Birth" on them. If you want one, you can buy it for $20 (does not include shipping and handling). I'll mail it to you within a year. Maybe. Or not. Probably not.

*It's a true story that when I was a wee child, I asked my parents why we don't have "sticker stamps." I found it ridiculous that we had to lick postage stamps when we obviously had the technology to make self-adhesive stickers. This would have been about 1986. Although I just did some research and according to Wikipedia, they did try a self-adhesive stamp in 1974, but it sucked. It wasn't until 1989 that the post office issued sticker stamps that didn't suck. NOTE: I did not double check to make sure this information is accurate.

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