Monday, May 21, 2007

Dating Newsletter #4 - The Fourth and Final Installment

What Really Turns Men On.
Nice try, Sarah. You've already used that title.

On this topic, there's a big difference of opinion, and it's not among men. It's between men and women. Unfortunately, a lot of what women think about how to attract men is wrong. Thus, many women waste time, effort and money doing things they think will attract men but which actually repel them.

Linda made this mistake on her first real date with Jack (not their real names) . She says, "I met Jack at a backyard party. (Is this an east coast term? Never heard of it). I wasn't really expecting to meet a guy, so it was a pleasant surprise. We ended up spending the whole evening together and by the time it was over we were dancing, kissing, cuddling, and getting really hot. Getting really hot? Do people say that? I had to go home with my friends, so Jack asked me to meet him on Saturday."

"So when Saturday came, I got ready! I was expecting more of what we'd had at the party, so I piled up my hair (there's her first mistake), wore my shortest mini-skirt (second mistake), put on a nice blouse (Blouse?! I think this scenario was written by my mother), and spent a LOT of time on my make-up. Uh oh. What happened? Jack did nothing but act pissed." What's wrong, Jack? "I'm pissed that you wore a LOT of makeup."

"We had a terrible afternoon. We did nothing but drive around. What? They just drove around? This story is weird. Finally, I asked Jack what was wrong. He said he'd wanted to take me to meet his friends, but that he didn't want to now, with me dressed 'like that.' He said I was coming on too strong and what was he supposed to do about it?" Oh my gosh, I am laughing so hard right now.

What was Linda's mistake? It wasn't really that she'd come on too strong, since she and Jack had been making out hot and heavy at the party where they met. Her mistake was in not asking Jack what they'd be doing, or where they'd be going on Sunday. Problem #1: they went out on a Saturday, not a Sunday, so that doesn't even make sense. Problem #2 This story is weird.

Here's the thing: men want you to be a lady around their friends and family and a whore in the bedroom, when it's just you and him. I believe the saying is: They want a lady on the street and freak in the sheets. Get it right. So if a man you're attracted to asks you to meet him, ask a few questions about what you'll be doing and who you're going to see. Maybe something like, "Is this an event where I should dress like a whore or a lady?"

A little sexuality can go a long way, (definite t-shirt slogan) especially if you're dating a man for the very first time. As opposed to dating a man for the second time?

For instance, there's the whole "I'm not wearing any panties" thing. Ha ha ha ha! Yes, she totally just said that. This is a very stimulating thing to say to a man you're dating, but you probably don't want to say it on the very first date, or right when you first meet him. It's too much, too soon. Note to self: stop telling men I'm not wearing panties upon first meeting them.

Why are men stimulated when you whisper that you're not wearing panties? Does this question even need to be asked? In a word, access. Or at least, the thought that there's easy access, especially if you're wearing a skirt.

A similar turn-on is thigh-high panty hose, (Panty hose?! Now I'm totally convinced that my mother wrote this) the kind that don't go all the way up. I'll never forget the look on a man's face once when he was running his hand up my panty hose-clad leg and discovered that the panty hose stopped at mid-thigh. His eyes got wide. "They stop!" He was like a little boy in a candy store after that. In fact, it actually was a little boy in a candy store. Sarah Paul is a pervert.

At the other end of the spectrum, something that really turns men on is a woman who has goals and ambitions and is actively working towards them. Most men don't want a clingy, dependent woman who can't stand on her own. They want to know that you can handle yourself, and nothing shows that better than if you've got purpose. Hi. My name is Natalie. I am a goal-oriented, ambitious woman who's not wearing any panties.

Have a mission, have drive, have passion. All of these things give you purpose and thus make you incredibly alluring to a man because you are ABOUT something. Stop yelling. You're not just some bimbo who sits in front of the TV eating bon-bons and waiting for the phone to ring. How did she know? Men don't respect those women. They respect women with purpose, and are attracted to them.

Another thing that some women think men like but they really don't is high-pitched baby-talk. Sorry Kerri Strugg. You know the type, the woman whose voice is very high, and who sounds like a little baby doll. Women do this because they think it makes them appealing, but the only type of men who like this kind of thing are very macho men who are not very intelligent. Don't do it, you won't like what you get. What?!

Then there's the whole dress-up conundrum. Oh no. Not the dress-up condundrum. Believe it or not, there are plenty of women who mainly dress up for other women--and they're not lesbians. Too many women get caught up with competing to see who can out-dress who and they spend valuable time, energy and money dressing to impress their friends. It's true, Devon. And you haven't even noticed me.

About 90% of this is wasted on men. This is an actual statistic from a 1998 Gallup Poll...or maybe she pulled it out of her bum. I get those mixed up. Want to know the truth? Men could care less what the latest style is. If you're clean, and what you're wearing fits you good and flatters your figure, that's attractive to men. It really doesn't matter if it's a fashion statement from ten years ago--they don't know the difference. One-sided baggy overalls, here I come!

Men also get turned on by being able to help women. If you're stranded on the side of the road with a broken-down car or flat tire, or if the dishwasher just broke...call him. He loves to help. A man wants to be your hero, he wants to rescue you from whatever trouble you're having. This paragraph is actually somewhat truthful.

Two warnings here, though. One, don't cry wolf. Besides the obvious reason, if you ask for his help for every little thing, he may start thinking you're an idiot. There's a delicate balance between asking for his help and becoming helpless. Don't be helpless. "Wolf! Wolf!"

The other warning is don't ask for his help about emotional matters. Toaster broken? Call him. Fence needs repair? Call him. Your best friend betrayed a confidence? Don't call him--call a girlfriend. Men are oriented towards fixing things and giving solutions, not towards being supportive. I can picture the wedding vows now: I take you in good times and times when I have to fix a toaster...

And always remember to thank him for what he does for you and tell him how much you appreciate his help. You'll score major points that way. Oh, and stop wearing panties.

See you again next time.
Yours in dating success,
Sarah Paul.

Commentary provided by Natalie.

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