Friday, April 6, 2007

On Being Fascinating - Dating Newsletter #3

Attract Men By Being Fascinating and by Not Looking for Them
Yes, folks, this was the original title.

One of the biggest ways to attract a man is by being fascinating. Oh, for
crying in the night. What does that mean?
If you can arouse his
curiosity, you'll capture his interest. Right. Arouse his "curiosity." Wink
There are several ways to do this, and they all revolve around
cultivating a fascinating persona.

If you like to read, read more. Is this still the same newsletter? Read
lots of different types of things...newspapers, magazines, science-fiction
novels, internet blogs, and how-to books. Bathroom stalls, fliers on your windshield, erotic fiction and nursery rhymes. When you read a lot, you know a lot, and thus you'll have a lot to contribute to a conversation. "So I was reading this dating newsletter, and it told me to be fascinating..."

News, stories about interesting people, articles about politics or where
the world is headed, or interesting novels are all good fuel for
scintillating conversations. And where exactly will I be having these
intelligent conversations? Certainly not at the karaoke bar I frequent.

Be careful, though, if you do this that you don't come across as Miss
Know-it-All. That's a big turn-off to most men, or to anyone, really. Keep
an open mind about other's opinions and don't try to come off as an expert.
Let there be give and take in the conversation. Who just might
learn something new that makes you even more fascinating at the next party!
This newsletter is making me ill.

Another way to become fascinating is to take up some new sport or hobby,
preferably one that isn't terribly common. What's common? Golf, mountain
biking, video games, road running. Road running? Does she mean jogging?
What's not common? Whitewater kayaking, skydiving, trail running,
tie-dyeing shirts, and Ultimate Frisbee, among other things. Please tell me
she did not say tie-dying.

So try to find a sport or hobby that's little-known, yet still has a fairly
high "cool factor." Think snowboarding prior to 2000, or mountain biking
prior to about 1990. Don't stray into the realm of stuff that's off-beat,
yet boring, like button collecting or training show dogs. (Warning: if you
want to attract men, don't train show dogs at all. Women who do this have a
reputation for being stuck-up and men know it.) Show dogs?! What?!

Don't like reading or sports? Try travel. Splurge and take a nice
vacation to somewhere in the Caribbean with your friends. Then you'll have something interesting to talk about. Yeah, like the credit card debt I will accrue from taking such a trip. If travel abroad is out of your budget, consider quick weekend getaways to nearby attractions like beaches, lakes, or mountains. Even a day trip on the weekend will do if it's to somewhere that most people haven't been.

Another source of good conversation is your friends. If one of your
friends goes on the kind of trips you wish you could go on but can't afford,
pump them for information about what it's like in Japan , or Rome , or the
Bahamas. There's nothing guys like more than when you tell them stories
about your friends traveling to Japan.
Then you'll have travel stories to
tell, even if they're second-hand. "So my friend was backpacking through Europe and saw a beautiful nude woman crying..."

In general, you should try to get out and do as many things and be with as
many people as you can, for two reasons. One is that you'll get stories out
of them, stories that will make you a fascinating person when you tell them. Oh yeah, 'cause everyone loves that person at the party who steals everyone's jokes and stories. The other is that, who knows, you might just meet a guy when you're out and about.

This brings me to my second technique for meeting men. Here we go. After
talking with hundreds of women throughout the years, I've concluded that you
have your best luck in meeting men when you are not looking for them.

Sound strange? It's not--there's actually a good reason for this when you
stop and think about it.

When you set a goal to meet men, you project that to people, whether it's
consciously or subconsciously. And usually there's a tinge of desperation,
a hint of neediness. A pinch of salt. Oh, I thought we were making a recipe.
Remember this: that is not attractive.

When you're at a party or just hanging out with friends at a public place
and you're looking around at the men there, scoping them out, they see that
and it turns them off. Funny, I vaguely remember a previous newsletter in
which I was instructed to bend over so guys could see my panties.
It makes you look like a needy, clingy woman who just can't wait to get her claws into a man. So I guess the weeping and gnashing of teeth is out, too.

Instead, even if you are looking for someone, push that thought to the back
of your mind and just live your life. Then why are you writing a newsletter about how to pick up men?! Go out with friends, smile, laugh, and have fun. Every single woman I've ever talked to about this has told me that she's met the very best men--includinghusbands--when she was not really looking for them, just minding her ownbusiness. Were these women meeting their own husbands or other people's husbands? There's a slight difference.

Make the effort to engage the world by taking up a new sport, game, hobby,
or cause. Don't go there to meet men, go there to do whatever they're doing
there. The men will be there. Ooh, she's such a prophet.

Having said that, though, you should bear in mind that if meeting a man is
in the back of your mind, you'll want to seek out activities that attract a
higher percentage of men than women. There's really no point in going to
quilting classes if you want to meet men. There's really no point in going
to quilting classes, period.
Instead, learn to love auto repair, paintball,
the gym, and outdoor sports. Learn to love auto repair. I can just see my
conversations now. "Yeah, I was just checking the specs on the
rotor of my new ride and..."

Another aspect of the "fascinating woman" angle (oh it's an angle now) is
the Mystery Woman. Men are detectives at heart and they
love a little bit of mystery. Don't tell him everything about
yourself--hold some things back. Divulge enough that he can figure out that
what he's hearing is just the tip of the iceberg and you'll arouse his
curiosity. Again with the arousing of the curiousity.

Part of the reason mystery women ARE mystery women is that they don't call
or e-mail a lot, either. This causes the man to wonder what you're up to,
so he'll call or e-mail YOU. And that's good, because men are natural
hunters who like the thrill of the chase.

Don't always answer the phone, either. Check. When he has to leave
messages, it makes him wonder where you are and what you are doing. It
contributes to your image as a mystery woman, or at the very least someone
fascinating who's always busy. "You know, Natalie never answers her phone.
She must be someone fascinating who's always busy."

You can play up the mystery woman thing by wearing an odd piece of antique
jewelry that prompts him to ask questions. Don't get carried away,
though--too many bracelets, necklaces or earrings will make you look junky.
You can also make references to interesting incidents in your life, without
explaining further. Then he'll have to ask. "I had lice once."

See you again next time .

Yours in dating success,

Sarah Paul.

Commentary provided by Natalie.

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