Wednesday, March 14, 2007

What Really Turns Men On --Dating Newsletter #2

Note: This is part of a series of actual newsletters I received via email. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. My comments are in RED...

What Really Turns Men On

"Let me hear your body talk," went the old Olivia Newton-John song ("Let's Get Physical.") You can flirt with more than words. Like the old song goes, "I wanna lick lick lick lick you from yo head to yo toes" (What's Your Fantasy by Ludacris). In fact, there are many ways to flirt with your body language. Men don't use as many signs as women to show their interest, and they are incredibly easy to read. Right. This doesn't necessarily mean that men are simple; Right. it's just that they're not as complicated. And since we women are the ones that give the signal to approach, you need to know which signals to use. Remember in driver's ed when you had to learn the hand signals? That's what I'm picturing right now.

You'll also need to know how to read the few signs he DOES give off. Stop yelling. Some of these are almost imperceptible, so keep a close eye out. Women are generally better at reading these almost subliminal signals and if you know what you're looking for you'll have an automatic advantage.

· Raised eyebrow: This eye brow is quick and often missed, but studies have caught this on tape. What? There have been eyebrow studies? Think back to the last time you talked to that guy you've had your eye on. Were his eyebrows raised? Wouldn't that just mean he was surprised to see me?

· Lips: Parted lips when he first sees you. This is a subconscious desire to kiss you, so watch for it. Oh my gosh.

· Nostrils: Slightly flared nostrils. What?

· Becoming a bit louder: this is the alpha-male hunter-gatherer in action. He's showing off for you, showing you what a big, strong man he is. "Hey, Natalie. It's really GOOD TO SEE YOU! HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?!!"

· Preening: smooth his color (try collar, jackass), straighten his tie. This one isn't hard to figure out--he wants to look his best.

· Touching his hair. Same as above.

If you are talking, he is interested if:

· His eyebrows are raised. Didn't we cover this already?

· He preens: Maybe if I just keep repeating myself, they won't notice that I'm talking out of my butt. Even touching his socks is a good sign, but this could include putting his fingers in his belt loop or buttoning or unbuttoning his jacket . Or he has adult ADD. It's a fine line.

· He's standing as tall as he can, pulling everything in. I think this is what you're supposed to do when a bear tries to attack you. No, seriously.

· He's scanning your body, looking up and down your body, staring at certain parts of your body. No, this guy is a creep (i.e. Vince "The Creepy Guy") Men aren't as subtle as women in the checking out routine, but this is a definite sign that he's interested. No kidding.

· Touching his face Okay.

· Playing with his glass If you know what I mean.

· Spreading his legs Uh-huh.

· Standing with hands on hips Whatever.

· Sitting on the edge of his seat Sure.

· Guiding you through a crowd This is supposed to be a list of signs that show he's interested when I'm talking to him. If I'm talking to a guy and all of a sudden he starts "guiding me through a crowd," I'm going to be very confused.

· Loaning you a jacket if you're cold. Taking off your jacket if you're hot.

A big sign is prolonged eye contact. Does he stare into your eyes, unable to tear himself away? Again, creep city. You're mesmerizing him--congratulations! Tshirt slogan. You can use this sign yourself by working up your nerve and holding his gaze just a little longer than you'd normally be comfortable with. First one to laugh is a rotten egg.

It might be a little bit nerve-wracking but go ahead and let yourself look deeply into his eyes as he looks into yours. This is what lovers DO. DO they?

Now, what if you're his friend and you realize you have feelings for him? Hmm, this could be a dilemma. And what if you have no idea whether he has feelings for you, too, or if he thinks of you as just a friend? Yes, a pickle indeed. This is the kind of thing that can drive even sensible women nuts, but there are ways to find out. Here we go...

Remember that movie, When Harry Met Sally? Being friends first doesn't just happen in the movies. Where do you think they got the idea anyway? Everything that happens in movies is true! You should mimic everything you see in the movies. It happens all the time. But if you and a guy are friends, how do you send him signals that you'd like to take things further without risking blowing everything by blurting it out--and possibly ruining a friendship? Yes, 'cause if you are good friends you want to make sure there is no verbal communication going on. It's all about body language.

The answer is to let your body do the talking. I'm one step ahead of you, Sarah.

The easiest and most direct way to let him know that you want to be more than friends without an awkward conversation is to do it during your hellos and goodbyes. If you don't normally hug him goodbye or hello - start. Or whisper in his ear, "I want to have your babies." Try using a satanic voice.

How does he react? Try it a few times and if he still seems stiff (hee hee), or doesn't really hug back, consider stopping and leaving him as your friend. But if you hug all the time because that's your style, or he responds favorably to the hug, then you can give his hand a squeeze and maybe even pull him in for a kiss - on the lips if you want to be most direct. Or grab his butt.

When you pull back, look him in the eye. If he's interested, he'll know this is a "green light." If he's not, he'll probably be confused. Try this a few times. Now I'm confused.

The next step is to ask a friend to say something like "You know, I had a dream you and her started dating! You two made such a cute couple." Or something along those lines. This has worked for numerous 3rd graders.

But if you're not getting anything positive after these efforts, you'll have to decide if you want to keep things the way they are and realize he'll never be more than friends (without punishing him for this, it's not his fault if he can't see how great the two of you would be together!) or cool it a bit so you don't have to think about what might have been. This was a poorly constructed sentence. Good thing guys don't care about grammar.

Another big signal that you can send is to mirror his body language. If he crosses his legs, you do it, too. If he leans back, you lean back. If he scratches his man parts, you scratch your man parts. You should also be on the lookout for him mirroring your body language. If he does it, he's probably attracted to you. Or he's a complete freak! Hello! Don't get carried away with this, though, and start aping every single thing he does. That can get kind of creepy. "Hi, I'm Billy." "Hi, I'm Billy." "No, I'M Billy." "No, I"M Billy." "Stop doing that." "Stop doing that."

Probably the number one sign that you can give him that says "I'm attracted to you" is to let your face light up with joy when you see him. Good thing she's not vague about this number one sign. That sends a powerful message. And likewise, if his whole face lights up when he sees you, like you've just made his day, then you're home free. He's attracted to you--very attracted. Or radioactive--very radioactive.

See you again next time.
Yours in dating success,
Sarah Paul.

Commentary provided by Natalie.

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